The camera pans the Max, which used to double as a disco where students come to try and study as we see the gang - gasp, separate booths – hunched over books. Max comes in and breaks up the party with one of his bootleg magic tricks. He reads a telegram from Dance Party that says that they want to hold a dance contest at the Max next Saturday. Yes! Another excuse for Zack and Slater to fight over Kelly. Slater tried to convince Kelly to be his partner by breaking out in a jerky hip-hop/ballet/jazz/most embarrassing display I’ve ever seen fusion. I think I saw the Roger Rabbit in there somewhere. For some reason everyone thinks they’ve just seen Wade Robson because they clap wildly. Zack challenges Slater to a real dance off for a time and location to be named later.
Later on, the gals are in the locker room getting ready for gym. I guess their gym uniforms include wearing gray hot shorts. Jessie’s freaking out, as usual. This time it’s because she’s afraid she’ll never stop growing. Um, I thought Jessie was supposed to be smart.
In music class, the most ragamuffin band I’ve ever seen has been compiled. At least they set up the groundwork for the Zack Attack early. No, seriously, I see orchestra and band instruments and a random guitar. The teacher announces that he has to teach two classes at the same time because Bayside has given up on substitutes. They begin to play and the synthesizers used to imitate sound are working on overload because it sounds like crap. When the teacher leaves the room the class turns into a bunch of A class musicians who jazz up the song. The teacher comes back and they go back to sucking. When the teacher leaves the second time, Elizabeth Berkley gets up and shows us why she didn’t make it as a dancer. Zack obviously had a seizure caused by Jessie’s twitching and spinning in her brightly patterned shirt because he proceeds to ask her for dance lessons.
The next day in Belding’s office Casey Kasem stops by and they take the opportunity to embarrass yet another cast member by having them attempt to dance. Belding re-enacts his award winning Twist impression in hopes that he’ll be able to dance on the show…too bad all Casey wants is a school banner.
But back to Zack and Jessie: they’re in her room dancing up a storm – or, at least, that’s what they’re supposed to be doing – when Jessie busts out with a move she just “invented.” Sorry Jessie, but I think those pesky aerobics instructors already beat you to that one. Anyway, Zack asks why she’s not in the dance contest and she admits that she’s a freak because she’s so tall. I always thought she was a freak, but not because of her height. Zack overlooks her freakish nature and he comes back for one more lesson. They get through a whole routine in which Jessie does all the real dancing. Here’s my question: If Zack can’t dance, and he’s only learned one routine that Jessie’s made up, then how does Kelly fit into the picture?
The day of the dance-off, Lisa hobbles in on crutches and her dance partner dumps her. Everyone’s so offended and the guys act like they’re gonna beat him up. Which I don’t get. It’s a dance contest. If she can’t even walk, how is she supposed to dance? Plus I don’t see either of them rushing to be her partner. Though Zack should have. He would have had a better chance with Lisa than with Kelly. I think Zack realized that as well, though a little late since Lisa already hobbled away. So when Kelly wants to start the dance-off, Zack declines because he wants to go with the only person who knows the only dance he knows.
During the Dance Party, Max comes out in a snazzy variation on his work uniform, complete with sequined lapels and introduces Casey Kasem. The three finalists come out to dance one more time, first of which, The Spandex Twins. I wonder what they’ll be wearing. You know, for Kelly to be so poor, she sure did produce a jazzy outfit. Lisa probably made it for her. Slater and Kelly do some generic dance that involves Slater picking her up numerous times. Jessie senses the competition, so when the Powerhouse Preppies dance, she grinds on Zack numerous times. Preparing for her Showgirls audition, no doubt. Screech and Lisa are introduced not by a name, but by the dance they’ll do – the Sprain. They hop around like idiots and the other two finalists encourage everyone to clap for them. They get the pity vote and win. Win what, exactly? The chance to see everyone in the Max hop like idiots, I guess.
Quote of the episode: "You better start running now punk or there's gonna be a full moon!"
-Slater to Lisa's ex dance partner.
Grade Kia: C+. Seeing everyone fall all over Slater and Jessie like they're actually good dancers is great. I don't really like the episodes that try and show Jessie's insecurities...because I don't care. Plus Max was in it; not so good.