Well, it's senior year, and that means time is winding down for the good ol' Bayside High gang. Until Tori comes along, that is. But I digress. The twelve students of Bayside are gathered in a classroom filled with A/V equipment and Punky Brewster. Zack walks in, sees Ms. Brewster and is so shocked that he must give us a wink. It turns out that Punky's name is Robin and she is quite unreceptive to Zack's charm, as it does not come with a Rockefeller-size bank account.
Belding walks in and announces that everyone must be wondering why he's teaching communications and asks Slater to explain. Slater, like the rest of the world, has no idea. I thought it was because the show blew all of its money on the fancy shrubbery, velvet curtains and former child stars that decorated the room, so they couldn't afford Mr. Tuttle. Anyway, Mr. B. tells the class that their class project will be to create a show for cable. I must note that while ideas are being thrown out, I see Lisa giggling at Zack, who is off camera. She obviously forgot about the SBTB Bermuda Triangle because she's still acting somewhat attracted to him. Anywho, after some debate, the class decides on a "Today Show"-for-teens format.
A few seconds later, the show is magically in production. Slater's the director, I assume, because he's shouting commands and wearing a nifty headpiece. Robin catches his eye and he proceeds to ask her on a date. Again, a Bayside man's advances are thwarted. But the show must go on. And it did. Anchors Zack and Lisa bring the breaking news, including Jessie bringing Belding to tears for asking him about missing money and not talking about his pet turtle, as well as Kelly's weather report in which she's wearing a down jacket with no pants. Or skirt. Or any kind of visible bottom. Hey, this is for cable.
There's also a segment called Chef Screech's kitchen, and we see Slater doing double duty as both the director and the kitchen help. I guess they were too impatient to wait until the cameras were rolling because they're already three-fourths of the way through. When it's revealed that the spaghetti sauce they've made is so good, everyone in the crew eats from the pot that Slater has quadruple dipped from. Zack and Slater have the wild and crazy idea to sell Screech's sauce. Meanwhile, Robin sets her sights on Screech, a nerd with great earning power. Which I don't really get since they haven't sold anything yet.
After a messy start in the production of the sauce, the gang decides it would be better to shoot a commercial full of horrible Italian stereotypes and accents. In it, Slater plays the brother of the family named Mario and he utters the phrase, "Hey! We're saved by the bell!" All by accident, I'm sure. I don't give the writers that much credit.
Using her job at the Max, Kelly scores a prime spot to both sell and promote the sauce. Or maybe they're at the Max because there is no other place in the world. After some fantastic cheers about the sauce, Kelly immediately starts doing her real job. Where's Jeff when you need him? Those employees have gone wild.
Screech & Robin enter and order some fancy lobster meal from Kelly, who takes their money without any intention of getting the food. She does, however, promptly go back and tell the gang that Screech is buying Robin expensive gifts, like a watch. Lisa uses this opportunity to grope Zack as she asks if it's a nice watch. Not sly at all. Everyone appoints Zack to tell Screech about Robin. Just as he's about to, he and Screech are interrupted by a Betsy Crocker rep who informs them that Screech's sauce is actually a copyrighted sauce that's been in their cookbook for 20 years. He tells them to stop selling it or they'll be sued. I don't know. Something tells me that it wouldn't quite happen like that.
Everyone is so mad at Screech that they refuse to talk to him. When Zack finally gets around to telling Screech about Robin, Screech claims he's jealous, but then overhears Robin bragging to her friend about her rich nerd. Meanwhile, while everyone's packing up the remaining sauce, Mr. B. tells Zack that they need to come up with $1500 for inappropriate use of school supplies or they'll all be suspended. Again, probably not the way it would really happen.
When Screech reveals that he spent all of the profits on Robin (how did he get the money in the first place?), Zack comes up with a brilliant idea that involves him dressing as German wealth and bidding on the recipe for Screech's sauce, which has been put up for auction, in front of Robin. She opposes the acquisition of the sauce by the "foreign creep" and offers to buy it for 2g's. And that's the moral, guys. Get out of a scam with a scam. You'll get the snobs back and even make a profit.
Quote of the episode Belding: "Zack! You must think I'm pretty dumb."
Screech: "We're not the only ones!"
Grade Kia: B+ If for nothing else, because of that horrible commercial. Zack with a huge beer belly and Lisa screaming out indecipherable lines in what's supposed to be an Italian accent is classic. Points for my boy Sly in a strong supporting role and seeing Berkley as one of the Macaroni Mamas.