Jessie is so, so scared....that her stepmom is an Aerobics Bimbo!!
The show opens up with beach scenery, but not that familiar aerial shot signifying Malibu Sands. This could only mean one thing—the episode where Jessie’s dad gets married and Jessie acts like a royal [bleep]!! YES!! The gang is getting off of a bus, discussing amongst themselves how cool it is that Jessie’s dad owns this resort and how great it was that they all got to spend time there for his wedding. Jessie is also pumped to be meeting her new stepmom. A blond chick in workout clothes walks by, and while the guys think she is superhot, Jessie calls her an aerobics bimbo.
The first place the guys go is the gym, to check out the hot bods. Screech is excited to test out the advice in his how to talk to girls book. Zack spots the same superhot workout chick, and immediately has to go talk to her. Now, I think that seeing a girl wearing a super-high-leg thong BACKWARDS over her leotard would warrant me making fun of her, but apparently at the Desert Springs Resort, it warrants guys drooling over and hitting on the wearer. To impress her, Zack tells her he is the captain of his school aerobics team. The aerobics bimbo then proceeds to make Zack look like a fool by challenging him to do some sort of Olympic level aerobics move, which is only lying on your back, putting your legs up in the air, and doing some sort of scissor leg motion. Zack is unable to master this move, and ends up lying on his back with his feet stuck over his head. Slater spies another hottie on a rowing machine. He claims the ‘boat’ next to her and strikes up a convo. A.C. learns this is no typical California hottie, but a European hottie named Kristina.
The gang meets up later at the restaurant to meet Jessie’s new stepmom. Jessie is overly concerned about her hair, her clothes, and her makeup. I would be concerned about the outfit, too. She is a high school girl meeting her new stepmom for the first time and is exposing a scandalous amount of cleavage. She obviously wants the stepmom to think she is a slut. But Kelly and Lisa tell her she looks fine, so maybe Jessie really IS a slut and this is just how she always dresses outside of school. When Jessie’s dad arrives, the gang takes their seats, waiting for his fiancée to arrive. When she finally arrives, the gang is shocked to see that Jessie’s stepmom is going to be….the aerobics bimbo!! Jessie is mortified that her dad is running around with this much younger bimbo (named Leslie), and eventually fakes a headache to get out of dinner. Later on, Jessie says she is feeling better, but once she finds out her fake headache did not break up the marriage, she fakes ANOTHER headache to get out of the boat ride Mr. Spano has arranged for everybody. Screech gets to the boat right before it leaves shore. He was late because he was following one of the tenets of the book—dress for the occasion. He did this by wearing white pants, a navy blazer, and a skipper’s hat. Obviously Screech understood the occasion of riding on a boat to require dressing like the Skipper from Gilligan’s Island.
It is while waiting for the boat that Kelly seems to be falling for Zack again. Also, Slater runs into Kristina, and he invites her on the Spano-sponsored excursion. After the ride, all of the kids couple off—Kelly and Zack, Slater and Kristina, and Screech and Lisa (by process of elimination, not by choice). Kelly is cold, and Zack gives her his sport jacket (which I am pretty sure he wore with a white dress shirt, tie, jeans, and ULTRA white high top sneakers). Screech tries to offer Lisa his coat—it IS what the book said to do. Lisa declines the offer, and Screech ends up walking right into the water. Slater and Kristina have a good time, and she feels it is the appropriate time to reveal to him that she is the Princess of some place in Liechtenstein (I could have sworn she said Liechtenstein here, but later she says she is the princess of a place called Liechtenberg.)
Sometime the next day, they are all swimming at the pool. Jessie is still mad, Kelly and Zack kiss, Screech is convinced his book says Zack and Kelly are going to be dating again, and Jessie vows to put a stop to the wedding. TO BE CONTINUED!!!
Quote of the episode “I hear ya, blood!”—Screech, using an expression from his how to meet girls book
Grade Bri: B+. This was a great non-school set episode. It showed Jessie being a royal [bleep] and also showed Screech using the line (see above) that was used by both my brother and Clare’s sister for many years to come. Well, I don’t know if Margaret used it for years, but I know Bryan did. Even if it didn’t have anything else, the early nineties neon was enough to make this episode quality.
Clare: B+. Actually, Margaret was more fond of mentioning the Bavarian cream cake. I think she only used this line once, at the dinner table, and my parents were like, “What are you talking about??” and we were just cracking up. Anyway, I agree that Screech’s book was a major plus for this episode.